I’ve been a songwriter and composer for most of my life, and I’m remarkably blessed because of the gift of music that God gave me. I say that because music comes naturally to me, and I had very little in terms of formal training. To take it a step further, I’ve also felt obligated to use the music I make for the glory of God as a result. Not out of religiosity or piety, but because without God, I couldn’t play the piano or write music the way I do. It’s only fair and appropriate to offer what has been freely given to me back to the Christian universe.
However, I’ve also come to realize over the years that Christian worship music as we know it is part of a system that is anything but Christian. We’ve managed to create an entire industry that is dedicated to praising Jesus with song, yet almost every aspect of that industry has been gobbled up, owned or controlled by secular influences.
Almost everything- from licensing, music production, promotion and concerts is heavily-influenced by companies that have nothing to do with our faith at all. Unfortunately, this has placed churches, and Christians, in a difficult position, and this whole tangle is not widely-known to begin with. It is a deception of galactic proportions, and it is perpetuated by our desire to fill our minds with songs and lyrics that edify our walk with Jesus.
The end result for these companies is a captive audience- an audience that has the desire to think on heavenly things. Most are oblivious or indifferent to the taint of sinfulness that contributes to the creation of that music to begin with. This reality has been a sore spot for me since I was a young man, and I’ve struggled to navigate those waters with integrity. Consequently, any attempts at launching a ministry based on music has been muddied by those waters along with my attitude towards that.
I spent years trying to figure out how to authentically serve God with music and song when almost every avenue to push that out into the world is directed and orchestrated by influences that are motivated by profit, greed and control. In the end, I chose to do nothing until a couple of years ago, and of course, now the landscape is even more difficult to navigate than it was before too.
I’m ashamed to admit this. I look at all of the years that I wasted by avoiding all of this instead of trusting that God would lead me through it. The consequences of that are worthy of a book, and I’ll dive into that at another time. But I regret, with every fiber of my being, holding back when I knew better. I am a living, breathing example of sinning because I didn’t act on what I knew I should be acting on (James 4:17).
Part of that mess also involved my own unbelief. I didn’t trust that God was actually calling me into that kind of ministry. Part of that also involved pride and an unbalanced focus on what people would think or how I would be received if I waded into those waters with my whole heart.
I’m old enough now to realize that the call to music ministry I heard when I was very young is much more than a passing phase or random pipe dream. I’m also old enough to realize that my time left on this planet is far less than what has already passed.
As a result, I’ve been wrestling a lot lately with getting older and discerning what to do with the time that remains as opposed to what I’ve not done thus far. It’s a scary place to be, but we are called to be faithful, and God often calls us to be uncomfortable in order to demonstrate His faithfulness through us.
I haven’t been a good steward of what God gave to me, and I certainly haven’t been a good and faithful servant along the way. When I look at what transpired in my life because I built that life around running from God, it is abundantly clear that I haven’t been letting my light shine so the world can glorify Jesus as we’re commanded in the Gospel of Matthew to do.
I write this, in part, as a cautionary tale for those who are struggling with saying “yes” to God. If you are called, answer. You will never have a moment of peace if you don’t, and your life will be one miserable trainwreck after another. It is better to walk by faith, even if it seems ridiculous at the time, than to wander through life thinking that the path you choose is better than what God has in mind for you.
While I have committed myself to saying yes to God now, I also carry the weight of regret that I didn’t say yes sooner. I know that I’m forgiven, and that I will be blessed when I walk step by step with Jesus, but it’s still difficult for me to turn this page without a significant amount of regret.
I just hope and pray that regret will diminish over time and that people are blessed by what God decides to do through me.
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