I’ve always had a conviction that the Catholic Church in the West isn’t relegated to the malaise it is experiencing today. I’ve always held that our tomorrows could be much better than our present if we just live out the hope that our faith inherently allows us to freely do. We are followers of Jesus, children of the living God, who, by design, are empowered, by default, to live a faith that is boundless and full of endless opportunities if we just say yes.
Yet, in the four years that I’ve been back and actively part of the life of the Church, I see very little of any of that in practice.
Despite some sparks of growth and momentum that exist here and there, by and large, the Church is stuck in a rut that few are equipped to carry us out of. We certainly face a lot of challenges from many different directions, but at the same time, I’m quickly learning that our struggles are self-imposed and a product of our own creation.
When I came back to the faith, I fully-expected to find friends and companions who shared a mindset and willingness to build a brighter future out of our present. I was led back because of fiery sermons from a handful of anointed priests, the dedicated service of religious and a few lay groups that were breaking molds and shaking things up for the glory of God.
Yet, reality is something different entirely.
I wandered back into a world of corruption, controversy, self-interest and self-gratification. I wandered into a Church that is deeply divided and remarkably tone-deaf with respect to addressing the needs of those who are lost or struggling spiritually. I forgot how the authoritative and hierarchical nature of the institution of our faith controls every single thing that we do, and the quality of the expression of our faith or our opportunities to let our light shine within that framework largely depends on the disposition of those who are over us.
That in and of itself is nothing new. The Church has always regulated itself by obedience. But, that was historically an obedience to clergy, and history is full of people of faith who navigated those waters with creativity in order to answer their call and live a life of service that was pleasing to God. Now, we find ourselves mucking through layers of influence and authority of laypeople, many of which aren’t really in communion with the Church to begin with.
For four years I tried to get plugged into different ministries and find different ways to serve beyond serving in Mass. Yet, there are very few opportunities to do that and very few people who are doing that. What is available is often superficial at best, and I’m still dumbstruck with how resistant and hesitant many are to really draw close to one another and form deep relationships that are connected by the spirit of the living God that we are supposed to be serving.
Part of the problem is our response to the scandal. We decided to structure the framework of our faith as a business, with compartmentalized tasks, career pathways and professional coldness. That coldness has bled into the way we interact with one another as a Christian community. We’ve replaced ministry with job descriptions and job security. We’ve opened the door to hire people who aren’t in communion with the Church to fill leadership roles in our parishes, schools and ministries. We are now obligated to subjugate the practice of our faith to employment laws and to those who may not share our faith in the first place.
The Catholic Church in America is full of evangelization directors, youth leaders, campus ministers, business managers, teachers and administrators who are either nominally Catholic at best or not Catholic at all. They often build their little fiefdoms and structure things to serve themselves and promote their success instead of serving others. Yet, we are forced to go through them, and the barriers they lay in front of us, when responding to God’s call to live our faith through the institution that we claim God himself established on Earth.
What kind of system have we created for ourselves here? This is the best we can do- to create a feedback loop that leads to nowhere good?
Wake up!
For all the boasting we do about being God’s true and divinely-instituted presence on Earth, there is little in our behavior that reflects that. How can that be? It stands to reason that if our claims to primacy are true, then it would be evident through what we do and how we love one another along the way. Yet, by and large, the framework that we work within is designed to do the exact opposite. We have truly become unequally-yoked with unbelievers, and this is having a dreadful impact on our capacity to do what we are called to do as disciples of Christ.
No wonder people continue to leave the Church in droves- they’re being starved, and the vacuum that exists as a result is undeniable.
We can boast all we want about people returning to the Church, and highlight conversion stories from notable folks in society who decide that Catholicism is where they belong. However, we need to remember that those who come back represent a tiny fraction of those we continue to lose. That’s nothing to brag about. Spinning that into good PR or clickbait doesn’t do the Church any favors.
Yet, in other parts of the Christian universe, the exact opposite is true. People leave the Catholic faith for greener pastures, and they thrive. Yet, we disparage and look down on them. We complain about their theology. We complain about their lack of tradition and lineage, and we pat ourselves on the back in self-righteous smuggery, convincing ourselves that they don’t know what they’re missing.
One thing that history has proven time and time again is that when we confine and stifle the Holy Spirit, the Holy Spirit simply provides another avenue to work through. We may not like it, but frankly, it is borne out of necessity. It is a product of our own stubbornness and unwillingness to effectuate the faith when God calls us to do so.
My biggest takeaway from the past few years is that the antics within the institutional side of our faith is our own worst enemy. I’m also convinced that the reason we are struggling with engagement and participation in our faith isn’t necessarily because we’re short handed. It’s because there is very little space for that to occur in the first place.
It makes absolutely no sense to me how the same system that is calling us to serve, to give, to love and to have faith is the same one that seems designed to kill dreams at every single turn instead. No wonder people are giving up and leaving in droves. For those who remain, they wallow within that framework because they don’t want to give up, but they face insurmountable challenges as they strive to live up to their full potential.
I wrestle every day with where I fit in all of this. Part of me wants to leave, kick the dust off of my feet and never look back. Part of me is inspired to fight the current and stick it out. However, I can say with 100% certainty that it find it very difficult to evangelize people into the Church as it stands today. Why in my right mind would I invite anyone into this mess when there are so many other avenues to choose from?
If I’m completely honest with myself, the behavior of the Church today, and my encounters within it, bears a closer resemblance to an abusive relationship than the life-giving and life-changing one that we’re promised to encounter. I already make it a habit to double-dip with other Christian communities and fellowships just to preserve my sanity and have avenues in which to live my faith in the world.
Frankly, I keep scratching my head with respect to why I continue to give so much of my energy and gifts to the Catholic Church. Yet, I find it nearly impossible to fully walk away either. I’m connected and drawn to so many of the mysteries of our faith, and to those who share in it. But, I also find that I’m spending more and more time in other pastures and only nominally serving the Catholic side of my spiritual DNA.
God bless those of you who have managed to find your way in this mess and are plugged-in and connected in ways that bring you fulfillment and purpose. Remain strong and keep your eyes on the prize. For me, I remain uncertain and unclear as to how much more of this I can contend with. I’m starting to wonder if God is leading me to call people out of the Church and help them to connect with greener pastures for the sake of their own spiritual health and well-being instead.
Only time will tell, but this path that I’m on is untenable and something’s gotta give.